they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was CRYING into my vagina
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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