You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
