I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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