I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
