I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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