I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
