She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
