i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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