would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
