I just pynch a tree in the face
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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