i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
