So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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