Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
