first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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