I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
