Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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