I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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