Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
