Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
