Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Are we still banned from the library?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
