The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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