Betty ford says i'm here all night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
