around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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