wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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