he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
