I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
