ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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