Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
