i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
