I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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