i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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