I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize