So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
