I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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