Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
