Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
