Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
