I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
