The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
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It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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