Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
