This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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