And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My feet surprised me
Randomize