dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
