HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
