I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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