She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
