she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
