We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
