Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm like, not good at living.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
