He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
