I'm so fucking centered right now
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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