Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
