My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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