just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
