i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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