my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
